So I come home today to find it is the day Comcast went digital. My tv is the first thing I go to when I come home -yes even before the ferrets get let out. I think the tv announces my presents to them. Anyway, my tv says something along the lines of "If you can see this message, your tv has not been prepared for Comcast's awesome digitalness. Call 1-888-some-thing." Now I had the DTA or Digital Transport Adapter, but hadn't hooked it up. I couldn't figure out why I needed it since I have a brand new HD tv. Why did I have to buy that if I need converters-oh, well, I guess transmitters, anyway? Well, my brother insisted I shouldn't need anything either, so I said I'd wait and see what happened. Looking back that was not the best choice I've ever made, considering I start to get the shakes within minutes of being home and not having the tv on. Has nothing to do with watching it or not. It must be on at all times if I am awake!
So I set to work hooking it up, trying to remain calm as invisible psychologically induced spiders are crawling up my back and I'm beginning to twitch slightly. All is hooked up and for the final step I must call a Comcast machine to activate me. I do this and now I have one channel. My one channel is in analog and its the Chicago Works station. This type of programing does not calm the psychotic creepy crawlies. Meanwhile my brother, who I can only assume is trying to defuse the situation, is sending me comically inspired texts. My family jokes during times of crisis. It helps me when I'm sad. Not when I'm mad!
So where does a flying ferret come into all of this? I have to call Comcast again - who is experiencing a high volume of calls - Really? Not surprising. Anyway, the lady is talking me through some vital steps. Fawn starts biting my ankles. I keep moving away, lifting up victim legs intermittently. I sit on the ottoman, lifting legs, pushing Fawn away, all while trying to focus and follow instructions. Now I'm trying to do the thing where you aim the remote at the tv and wait for the flashing light and then press a series of numbers. Fawn will have no more of being ignored! She climbs up on top of her toy trunk and jumps! Through the air and lands clinging to my hand - with remote! She doesn't fall. I have to remove her. Once in a life time - America's Funniest Home Videos, right? Wrong. She continues to do this leap through the air, land clinging to my hand several more times.
I never got the remote programmed. Now I use two remotes for different jobs aimed at different devices. Great! The one thing Fawn goes feral for is the remote. Now I need to keep two of them away from her. Welcome to the future where everything is more complicated, more expensive, breaks sooner, and provides poorer quality. Oh, and the program still doesn't fill my screen! Its all still square! Can I return this tv and declare shenanigans?
You can go here for the instructions when your pet is busy sleeping! :)
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I hope this helps.
Mark Casem
Comcast Corp.
National Customer Operations
We_can_help@cable.comcast.com
How did this get here? Does Comcast have spyware? Maybe they should work with the Department of Defense. I was creeped out enough when I got a gmail account and all the ads on the side had something to do with the email conversation. When did we get to Russia? (Uh, oh, I said Department of Defense and Russia in the same comment. Wonder who I'll hear from next?) I'd like to take a moment to declare my patriotism to the United States. Other than occasionally threatening to defect to Canada for some health care, I'm all American. No need to tap my phone. I'm logging off now to go do a very American load of laundry. Oh, and Comcast, if you're listening, thanks I'll try that some time.
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